I See You, I Hear You, I Love You
22 Jan 2012 1 Comment
Never underestimate the relaxing power of sending this message to your child: I see you, I hear you, I love you. Connection is a cornerstone of relaxation. When we feel connected and loved, our bodies and minds naturally relax and it is much easier to let go of worry, tension and angst. This message can be communicated through the eyes, through touch, and through mindful activity. Here are some ideas for practicing this powerful message:
Eyes– Pause for a moment through out the day and gaze with love while looking at your child. Set the intention to sense beyond any behavior or activity that is going on and really see him for who he is. Notice the beautiful, innocence of his being. It might help to think back to the day he was born and connect with the beautiful baby that he was. If you are having a challenging moment, think of a previous time of connection and feel into that love you felt in that moment. Imagine that love is pouring out of your eyes toward your child. Smile with your eyes. Send the message of total acceptance in the moment, regardless of external circumstances. He will feel the energy and it will register even if it is not immediately apparent.
Touch–Give your child a simple back massage, foot massage or arm/hand massage. Simply taking your child’s hand during the day and pausing for a moment to hold it. Gently tug each finger and massage the palm of the hand, focusing on the crease of the palm that runs from the index finger past the thumb to the base of the palm. Combine it with the eye activity for a wonderful moment of connection.
Mindful Activity–Find an activity in which you and your child are able to connect. It can be a board game, an art activity, reading a book together, walking in nature, cleaning the kitchen sink, but something in which you are genuinely interacting with your child. Try to avoid any electronics for this activity. While you are participating with your child, really pull your focus into the moment and place all of your attention on your child and what you are completing together. Send the message “I hear you” by paraphrasing back to him what you hear him saying. Remember that the message of “I hear you” is best communicate by repetition than by trying to offer a solution or judging what he is saying (i.e. saying it is good or bad). Activate that space of total acceptance and watch the potential impact it has to relax you and your child.
These messages of I see you, I hear you and I love you, have the power to calm the central nervous system. The more you really connect and practice total acceptance, the more both you and your child will feel peace and a sense of calm.
Body Rock
30 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in All Relaxation Activities, Bedtime Relaxation Activities, Family Relaxation, One Minute Relaxers, Relaxing/Balancing the Body, Uncategorized
Body rock involves gently rocking the body back and forth to calm the nervous system. Have your child lie flat on the floor. Use a yoga mat or lie on a soft carpet for increased comfort. Don’t use a pillow to obstruct air flow or to place the neck in an unnatural position. Play soft music, dim the lights and use aromatherapy to prepare the environment for relaxation. Begin by inviting your child to take a couple of deep breaths. Tell your child to simply allow his body to melt into the floor and prepare him that you are going to gently rock his body back and forth to calm down his muscles and nerves. Share with him that the more he can be like a rag doll and let go, allow his body to relax, the more powerful body rock will be. Then gently begin to lightly rock his body back and forth, alternating sides. First give a gentle push on the left and respond with a gentle push on the right. Use very gentle touch, as light as using one finger to move. Apply a relaxed, gentle, steady rhythm. Imagine that your hands are carrying on a very sweet relaxation conversation. As one hand moves on one side, the other gently responds. Allow the body weight to help carry the momentum of the rock back and forth. Move slowly up and down the legs and then to the torso, gently pushing on each arm. Allow the head to remain relaxed and lying on the floor. Be as gentle as possible, and increase in lightness of touch as you continue. As time passes, you will notice the body begin to let go and relax more and more, as evidenced by its effortless motions. Simply allow it to rock, back and forth, back and forth. Check in with your child to make sure he is doing okay or to ask if he needs anything. Complete this for a couple minutes the first time and begin to increase the amount of time spent rocking as your child adjusts to it. Place a blanket over your child for added security and warmth to support further relaxation. He might fall asleep, this is a natural response. If not, allow him to rest in silence for a few minutes when you are finished to allow him to integrate the experience and to become fully aware of the relaxed sensations.
At a later time, discuss with your child how his body felt before, during and after the body rock experience.
Calm Space Detective
28 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Sometimes the world seems to move very fast! Our children’s senses are inundated with stimuli. This can cause increased anxiety and stressful feelings or tension. I have helped many children to begin to shift their focus from the bustling events around them to noticing calm spaces by becoming a “Calm Space Detective.” Discuss with your child today how you are going to search all day long for clues to find spaces that are calm. Have a conversation about what a calm space might look like, sound or feel like. Give them some examples. Pause for a moment and look around the room and see where there are spaces of calm. Ask your child questions. Is the TV show airing in the corner a calm space? If not, then where is? Is the corner of the couch where pillows are piled a calm space? Is your bedroom a calm space? Is the line at the grocery store a calm space? Is riding in the car to your music lesson a calm space? How about the blade of grass over there? Is that a calm space?
Make it fun! Give your child a special notebook to record calm space tally marks when calm spaces are noticed. Invite your child to count the calm spaces as he notices them. He might prefer to draw them instead. See how many calm spaces you can find in 10 minutes, or during a special time of day such as dinner preparation or before bedtime. Record the clues that suggest that denote a calm space, (for example, perhaps it is quiet there, sounds like silence, it is easy to focus there, it feels peaceful or there isn’t any movement/activity, etc. . .). Tell your child that he/she can make a report at the end of the day to the Chief of Calm at the Calm station. I like to use a hand-held recorder in order to interview the “Calm Space Detective” formally as if he or she were making a final report on their daily investigation. Make a “Calm Space Detective” badge or wear a special “Calm Space Detective” hat. Have fun and be creative.
By noticing where calm spaces exist, your child will begin to differentiate the difference between calm/peaceful/relaxed feelings and locations and busyness/tension/distractions. This is a fundamental awareness skill in developing the ability to relax the body and mind. In addition, studies have shown that by simply focusing our attention on calm places, our bodies begin to experience feelings of calm and relaxation. People can experience increased feelings of calm and relaxation simply by watching calm and/or relaxed people, events or places.
Additional ideas: cut out pictures of calm places from magazines and glue them in the special notebook, look at nature books together, listen to calming music, create a special calm space of the day and practice a relaxation activity there, share your detective report with the whole family and discuss the favorite “calm space” of the day or a special “calm space” you would like to create.
Cave Time
16 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in All Relaxation Activities, Family Relaxation, Uncategorized
Remember when you were a kid how fun it was to build a fort? I have had a fort in my living room since last weekend’s sleep over. ”It’s so much fun, Mom! Can’t I just sleep in here one more night? Then I will move it, I promise!”, my nine-year-old daughter reassures me. And, even though my living room has been taken over by millions of stuffed animals and there is a sheet suspended from the banisters using headbands, scarves, hair ties, duct tape, and my brand new sheets as building materials, I have to admit it is cozy and relaxing. Since its construction, she sleeps there. She reads there. She creates art there. She relaxes there.
When kids, or adults too, are feeling stressed, often the mind is busy at work. It is working overtime and lots of thinking often doesn’t promote feelings of relaxation or peace. During times of stress our focus gets distracted and our energy is very scattered. It is useful to find ways to bring our focus inward and to call our energy back to ourselves. One way to accomplish this is by getting into smaller, enclosed spaces where the focus and energy are more easily contained. Indoor forts or caves can do just that. It is very relaxing to contain our energy in cozy, defined places.
So, I encourage you to construct your very own cave or fort for relaxing. As you head into the holiday season this year, find a cozy space in your house and construct your relaxation cave. Put it on your holiday “to do” list to design some stress-free spaces in your home specifically for relaxation. Purposefully design your relaxation space with close quarters so that you amplify the cozy factor. It can be as easy or complex as you and your child decide to make it. Simple includes throwing a blanket over a table. Complex requires some additional architectural trial and error. Both can be very rewarding.
Once you have your relaxation cave built, put some fluffy pillows, stuffed animals, soft blankets inside. Hang some pretty stars from the top and lie down on your back with your child and just breathe. Do some simple counting breaths where you count to five on the inhale and count to five on the exhale. Set aside some moments to just breathe and let the world outside the cave simply pass on by for a few minutes. Melt into the blankets. Let go. Fully surrender into the moment and allow yourself to pay attention to the feelings that arise while you are simply lying there. It can serve as your “do nothing” space or it can serve as your space where you only practice relaxing activities. Read gentle stories with sweet themes. Tell a bedtime story, but make sure that the theme is gentle and soothing. Designate it as a place where only soft voices, whispers or silence can visit. Do some gentle stretches such as child’s pose (http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/475), or butterfly pose (http://www.americanyogaacademy.com/PDFs/ButterflyPose.pdf).
So, after you have established your relaxation cave, practice using it when tension arrives. When you see your child struggling to manage her energy or feeling visibly tense, suggest a little cave time and crawl in along side her.
Let your imagination run wild in the creation of your family cave. If you are looking for some additional ideas, here’s a site I found that has stellar ideas:
http://wondertime.go.com/life-at-home/article/indoor-kid-forts.html
Sea Turtle: A One-Minute Relaxation Tool
08 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in All Relaxation Activities, One Minute Relaxers
It’s very simple: ”Pull your energy into your shell and go with the flow”. That’s it for the one-minute sea turtle relaxation. Ever need a quick relaxation tool in your pocket? Ever been in the car, in line at the grocery store, walking in the hallway at school, and you notice that your child is struggling to manage his energy? Pretend you are a sea turtle and practice a fun, easy way to relax in the moment.
1. Tell your child that you are going to relax like a sea turtle.
2. Pull your energy back into your shell with a few deep breaths. If appropriate, you can add a self hug “shell” to provide the kinesthetic, tactile feedback as well. Imagine that all of your energy is coming right back to you and that you are pulling it inside your shell to focus and relax.
3. Next, just like sea turtles effortlessly float in the ocean, you are going to “go with the flow”. Relax your body, let all of your muscles melt lie you are floating in the ocean.
4. Now we are going to ”go with the flow.” Make whatever is happening in the moment, “Okay by me.” Explain that “saying okay” is just noticing, it doesn’t mean that you like what is happening, you are just allowing it to be okay right now. Then, watch and flow, watch and flow. Allow yourself to float peacefully in the moment.
For quick reminders, after you have practiced for a while, you can simply practice by saying “Sea Turtle” as the signal to begin. That signal can be the reminder to “pull your energy into your shell and go with the flow.”
This works great when you have a clearly identified unit of time to practice in. For example, say you are on the way to grandma’s house and staying relaxed in the car has been a challenge. Tell your child that you are going to practice being sea turtles just for the ride. See how well you can pay attention to keeping your energy in your shell and go with the flow. Or, just before a test at school. Tell your class that you are going to pull your energy into your shells for focus and then go with the flow during the test.
Pencil Sqeeze–Eraser Squoosh: Progressive Relaxation At Your Desk
03 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in All Relaxation Activities, Educator Resources, One Minute Relaxers, Uncategorized
Tense/relax protocols come from progressive relaxation techniques in which the muscles are alternately tensed and relaxed in order to promote a state of mental and physical relaxation. The mental part of progressive relaxation involves directing attention to the feeling of muscles as they tense and then noticing how the muscles feel as the tension is released and the muscles are asked to let go and relax. The physical component involves the actual tensing and relaxing of the muscles themselves.
Tense/relax techniques are easy to do anywhere and fit seamlessly into any routine or daily activity. That is why they are perfect for desk relaxation in the classroom. Try the following tense/relax routine any time you want to have a short one-minute relaxer prior to initiating seat work.
- Tell your students that you are going to practice the “Pencil Squeeze” in order to relax and get your minds and bodies ready for the task at hand.
- Have them hold a pencil in each hand and ask them to squeeze it very very tight and hold until you tell them to release it. Discuss what they notice.
- Now have them place the pencils on their desk and tell them that you are going to practice the activity with imaginary pencils. Ready?
- Ok, now gently close your eyes and imagine that you are holding a pencil in each hand. Squeeze the pencil very very tight and hold as I quietly count to 10. After counting to 10, tell the students to release the pencils and allow your hands to rest in your lap or on your desk. Feel the warm, tingling feeling in your hands as you allow them to melt right there into the desk, very heavy, very relaxed. Count slowly to 20.
- When you are ready you can open your eyes and know you are focused and ready to get to work!
Variation: Repeat the above sequence with an eraser and call it the Eraser Squoosh.
Puppet Relaxation Class
28 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in All Relaxation Activities, Parenting Resources, Relaxation Practice
Want your kids to practice relaxation techniques? Engage some puppet friends for a Relaxation Class! Find two fun puppets to instruct. After you have been practicing relaxation techniques for a while, or just after you have learned a new technique and would like further practice, tell your child that it is his/her turn to be the teacher.
Puppet Relaxation Class
- Pick two puppets, one for each hand.
- Introduce the scene: One puppet is feeling very stressed out and worried about something.
- The second puppet has just the ticket for relaxation, knows just the tool to help the first puppet.
- The second puppet invites the first puppet to relax with him.
- Step by step instruction in the activity is given (You might want to select a basic relaxation technique to begin with. Choose something with only a couple of steps (such as a breath counting).
- The first puppet ends by feeling very very calm and relaxed
Variations:
- Don’t have a puppet? Line up your stuffed animals for Relaxation Class and instruct away!
- Have one puppet show the second puppet how to relax in specific scenarios (such as bedtime, before a test, before an athletic event).
- Have the puppets practice positive or relaxing thoughts
- Have the puppets have a problem-solving conversation about a stressful or worrisome situation
Mind Movie: The Relaxed You
22 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in All Relaxation Activities, Bedtime Relaxation Activities
Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP, can be used to create and practice experiences of relaxation. NLP is regarded as the science of re-programming your mental landscape by by paying attention to information from the senses and pairing this information with empowering language to mentally rehearse positive experiences/thoughts. This process then, through rehearsal and repetition, re-programs the mind to experience the experiences you want to create. This, in turn begins to shift your perception. The thought/feeling feedback loop becomes engaged to promote the experience of more positive feelings. We can help children to relax by showing them how to re-program and empower their thinking through the rehearsal of thoughts and images of the relaxation experience.
I developed Mind Movie: The Relaxed You after working with a fourth grade student. He was struggling with peer relationships at recess. Wherever he went, it seemed as if he was the magnet for friend trouble. He often reported feelings of anger and frustration and would act out aggressively in the face of perceived injustice. So, in the interest of increasing his positive experience at recess and ability to deal with his anger, we began working with challenging memories to “re-program” them to feel better. Getting into a relaxed state, and thinking of a time when he got into trouble and felt stressed or angry at recess, we began to identify his relaxed you character who became the star of his imaginary show. The more he practiced and rehearsed images of his relaxed you, the more he not only began to increase his confidence in his ability to build positive friendships at recess, but he began to shift his focus toward success and away from failure. Pretty soon, he was creating mind movies staring his relaxed you himself and using them as a tool to calm down and to feel more relaxed in difficult situations. His trouble on the playground slowly decreased until it rarely was a struggle anymore.
This relaxation tool allows you and your child to rehearse thoughts and experiences of the relaxed you. The more we rehearse thoughts, the more they are programmed in our minds and become increasingly natural in their access and use. It is important to practice some basic relaxation techniques just before doing this activity to “prime the mind” for the experience. It will give your child some ideas that he/she can use during the experience. Please visit the “relaxation techniques” section of this blog for additional ideas.
Mind Movie: The Relaxed You
• Explain to your child that you are going to create a mind movie. This is a movie that you create and play in your imagination. This movie has a star. That star is the relaxed you. We are going to meet the relaxed you on the movie screen in your mind.
• Get into a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down
• Take a deep breath and focus your attention on your body
• Breathe in, counting to 5. Breathe out, counting to five.
• Repeat this 3 times
• Now, allow your body to just melt right where you are
• Let go of any thoughts that might have come to this place with you
• Pause
• Imagine a movie screen in the sky floating in front of you in your imagination
• Now, think of a memory of a time when you were feeling stressed, tense, worried or anxious
• Do you have one? Beautiful.
• Put that memory on the screen in the sky and watch it to play. Pay attention to who is in the video, what they are doing, how you are feeling. What happens?
• Excellent. Now push the pause button. Do you think the relaxed you might have experienced the situation differently? What might have helped the you in the movie to become the relaxed you? What would you have done? What tools might you have used?
• Listen closely to how your child responds. Offer suggestions only asking if he would like some and present them in question form (for example, “I like to breathe slowly and count backwards from 10, do you think that might have helped?”)
• Wonderful. By practicing that tool right now we are going to transform the you on the screen into the relaxed you. Let’s practice that tool right now. (Lead the child through practicing the tool). Great job!!! The relaxed you is now here to star in the show. Please invite the relaxed you to go up on the screen. Pause. Is the relaxed you up on the screen? Beautiful. We are ready for the re-play.
• Now we are going to re-play the memory on the screen and this time you are going to watch what happens when the relaxed you stars in the show. See if anything happens differently. Pay attention to how you are feeling as you play the movie.
• pause. can you see what happens when the relaxed you enters the scene? wonderful.
• Re-play the scene with the relaxed you until it is finished. Pause for a few moments. Is it finished? Did you see the relaxed you?
• Excellent. Let’s take some more deep breaths. Breathing in, counting to 5. Breathing out, counting to five.
• You can open your eyes when you are ready
After the activity, spend some time listening to your child’s experience and asking questions if it feels right. Ask him to describe what the “relaxed you” felt like inside, what did the relaxed you look like? What was he doing? Practice rehearsing the movie of the relaxed you before bed each night for a week and see what changes, if any occur. pay particular attention to the feelings inside.
Additional Ideas:
- Use your home video camera to make a film staring the relaxed you
- Draw a picture of the relaxed you and post it somewhere where it will remind you to relax
Another technique that incorporates the NLP process for children includes The Journey for Kids:
Brandon Bays, author of the The Journey, has a delightful CD for children that takes them on a journey into a memory, helps them to reset it, replay it, speak to their younger self, and to embody new strength characteristics to support the new vision. Please visit www.thejourney.com for more information.
Classroom Relaxation: Tree Feet
22 Sep 2011 2 Comments
in All Relaxation Activities, Educator Resources
As the school year begins again for many students, it is the perfect time to begin practicing relaxation techniques in the classroom. Set the tone for a calm, relaxing year by establishing a relaxation practice in your classroom. An easy activity to practice while students are in their desks is Tree Feet. Adapting the tree yoga pose (Vriksha-asana), the Tree Feet activity can be used to help students center and focus their attention before desk work. Guidelines and instructions for Tree Feet follow:
Sitting in your chair, imagine that your feet are growing roots right into the floor! Down, down, down grow the beautiful roots, deeper and deeper into the earth. As you sit there in your chair feeling your roots, stretch your arms up tall to be branches. Wiggle your fingers and gently sway your arms back in forth like branches in a soft breeze. Feel how good it feels to stretch your sides as you sway your arms and fingers in the air. Now pause your sway for a moment and bring your hands together overhead pointing upwards. Sit there and take a deep breath in, feeling the breath all the way down to your toes. Now let the breath out and relax. Bring your hands down to rest on your desk. Think to yourself, “I am ready to learn.”
Powerful Noses–Engaging the Sense of Smell to Relax
11 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
The other night my daughter was struggling to go to sleep. I got out the aromatherapy diffuser and put a few drops of “Peace and Calming” by Young Living Oils, (http://www.youngliving.com/essential-oil-blends/Peace-And-Calming). I immediately felt as if I was breathing in a cloud of comfort and deep peace. Soon my entire body felt as if it was letting go, surrendering into a deeper and deeper peaceful state. As my daughter drifted into dreamland, I considered how important all of our senses are in the relaxation process. As we re-train our bodies in experiencing the natural state of relaxation, it is important to include all of the senses in the practice. Wholeness and integration are key principles to the experience of a deep mind and body relaxation state. I highly recommend experimenting with this gentle essential oil blend to see if it is a fit for you and your family’s individualized relaxation toolbox.
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