Positive Self-talk &
Affirmation Use
An Introduction: I Am What I Think
I Am
Teaching children to be aware of
their thoughts is one of the most
important tools we can teach our
children. There is so much information
and messages that pass through our minds
on a daily, even momentary basis, that
we hardly know what is going on
upstairs. If you have ever attempted to
use affirmations as an adult, it is
necessary to study what exactly your
mind is thinking in the first place.
When we accomplish that feat, we are
often amazed that, in searching for the
origins of particular thoughts, we can
trace their roots right back into our
own childhood. Dr. Wayne Dyer in his
book entitled, What you Really Want
for Your Children, states:
The ways in which a child
talks to him/herself reflect his/her
self-concept. Children who
constantly complain, telling
themselves that they cannot do
certain things, are in fact creating
a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dr. Dyer suggests correcting the
situation by modeling positive self-talk
for them often and by responding
consistently to negative self-talk with
a positive comment
So, consider how incredibly
empowering it is to teach children the
power of positive thinking. Make the
mantra “ I am what I think I am” a
constant thought for contemplation.
When I was teaching my daughter how
to ride her bike. We had weeks and weeks
of exasperation while falling into
bushes and colliding with the sidewalk,
so much so, that she began to
affectionately call herself the “bush
magnet.” I started to notice that she
was doing a lot of “stinking thinking”
such as “I will never learn to ride this
thing,” and “ I really am a bush
magnet.” I began to teach her to
rehearse the mantra “I can do it, this
is easy” every time her foot touched the
pedal. Immediately her performance
improved. After two days, she was riding
solo. I distinctly remember the moment
she mounted the bike by herself for the
first time and took off. After a couple
of mumbles of “I can do it, this is
easy,” she sped ahead triumphantly
announcing to me over her shoulder as
she rolled away, “Hey mom. Guess what?
Those words really work!”
What we say to ourselves, or think
inside our heads, is often a cryptic
jumbled mess of cluttering thoughts.
Also, we tend to think in similar
patterns that repeat over and over
throughout our lives. By teaching
children early to be aware of their mind
activity, we are delivering an awesome
life tool that empowers and helps them
to be successful in whatever they choose
to achieve their dreams. Mediation
teaches us to be mindful and aware of
the thoughts that float across the
screen of our minds. The more we
practice, the more we are aware, the
more we practice. It’s a lovely cycle of
development. So, you might ask, where do
I start? How might I begin to infuse
positive self-talk into our daily life?
The Power of the Positive
Atmosphere
Words have the power to create a
positive atmosphere. If our thoughts are
positive and filled with wonderful, rich
language, either the language of images
or the language of words, we feel better
and more empowered to interact with
others in a positive way. Our very
wellbeing is influenced by the kind of
thinking we choose to think. That’s
right. It is always a choice what we
think, no matter what is going on around
us. The same is true of our environment.
It is fascinating to understand how we
can use our environment to our own
benefit to influence our thoughts in a
positive way. If we start to surround
ourselves with positive words, (and then
later positive complete thoughts), we
will begin to see the possibility for
infusing positive thinking into the
whole of our daily life, not just
limiting it to a once-a-day practice. My
college roommate, who is still my very
close friend, inadvertently introduced
this idea to me one gloomy college day
over twelve years ago. I was studying
for finals and having a very uninspired
time of it. By focusing on all of the
work that was to come, I ran around the
room, scattering papers, shifting books
and struggling to organize my activity.
My friend, who is extremely cheerful by
nature, calmly observed my frustration
and began typing on her computer. She
quietly printed out a sign that read:
“There Are No Problems Here” and taped
it to my closet door. Looking at the
sign humorously snapped me out of my
“clutter mode” and helped me to
successfully refocus. To this day I have
that sign, saving it as a reminder of
how we influence our environment through
our thinking. My house continues to be a
haven for all sorts of affirmative
signs. They are present on bathroom
mirrors, the refrigerator, even the
interior of my shower, serving as
reminders to maintain positive thought.
Affirmative Words To Start
We can start to influence our
children’s thinking in a positive way by
surrounding them with positive words or
images. For younger children we will
rely on auditory stimulation and
positive images until they are able to
read. Start by giving your child some
simple positive words/images on the
bathroom mirror. Think of words that
might be relevant to their current
experiences. Whenever they are brushing
their teeth, draw attention to the
words/images. Make them colorful; add a
little glitter if that’s your style.
Draw arrows on the mirror with special
window paint. Or, it’s possible to
laminate the words and put them on the
shower walls. Use bathtub paint to
decorate. Begin to brainstorm how you
might incorporate the use of these words
into simple conversation. Trips in the
car are prime time to introduce positive
words and/or ideas. Depending upon the
age of your children, you could make a
little game out of how many times we can
use the word “awesome” today. Or, make
up a word like “fantabulous.” Prizes can
be given for the winner in the evening.
A list of ideas of affirmative words can
be found at the bottom of this page. For
older children, when they have writing
assignments, use your affirmations as
practice. Make spelling words
affirmative.
Affirmation Use
Above all, it doesn’t matter so much
that you follow a pre-constructed
script, but that the words and style are
individualized to your particular
family’s style and needs.
After you have successfully practiced
with affirmative words, you can begin to
discuss positive thinking and
affirmation use with your children. When
designing affirmations, always state
them in the positive, present tense,
(please refer to the article on
affirmation design for further
information). Make them relevant to
whatever is going on in the child’s life
at the moment. Place them on a necklace.
Reminders or “triggers” in the pocket
can also work to trigger a thought as
well. My daughter took a rock to school
in her pocket the first day. Whenever
she touched the rock, she repeated, “I
am strong” to herself. It is important
to teach children that it does not
matter what is, at the moment. We are
concentrating on creating what we want.
Gentle Reminders Support the
Process
As you are in the process of
introducing these tools to your family,
simple reminders can be helpful. Sing a
little jingle or lightly state, “Uh, oh,
time to turn off the brain from stinking
thinking.” Smile and announce the
arrival of the “happy thoughts
policemen.” Carry some little happy face
stickers in your pocket and share them
to shift negative thoughts to positive
thoughts. These tricks sometimes even
work for parents as well!!!
